Makeover: Subtle Changes Make A Noticeable Difference
Part 2 of 2
by Karon Thackston © 2011
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1 of this series, we were introduced to Kneelsit.com, an Australian
manufacturer of ergonomic computer chairs who was in search of a
high conversion rate. After spotting several trouble areas within
Kneelsit's original copy (viewable here: http://www.copywritingcourse.com/kneelsit-home-original.html),
I set out to rewrite the home page with specific goals in mind.
I really felt
for the users of these chairs. They had back problems and medical
issues, trying desperately to find relief. I can only imagine how
it must feel to sit in pain all day, every day. And, after seeing
so many false claims for other chairs, I could understand how they
might be skeptical. So, after reading the new home page copy, I
wanted the site visitors to have confidence, to see the difference
in the Kneelsit chair and to understand the benefits this chair
Of course, those
in chronic pain were not the only visitors to the Kneelsit site.
While they were the primary segment, the audience also consisted
of those with mild back pain, those with inconsistent problems or
simple fatigue, and those who simply wanted a comfortable chair
that wouldn't contribute to any future back problems. The copy also
needed to meet their needs and provide the information they were
You can see
the revised copy here: http://www.copywritingcourse.com/kneelsit-home-new.pdf.
headline did, in fact, list benefits. It stated:
Comfort, Perfect Posture, Gentle Movement, Natural Balance
one of those benefits spoke to audience members… Superb Comfort.
While posture may have been a secondary thought, gentle movement
and natural balance didn't strike a chord simply because of a lack
of knowledge. As it happens, these two benefits are important, but
the general population doesn't understand what they mean. It would
require educating the site visitors about these two before they
would grasp their full meaning. That education couldn't take place
within the headline (not enough room!), so those two benefits needed
to be removed.
needed to evoke feelings of trust for the skeptical and a sense
of stability for the hesitant. It also needed to provide an obvious
benefit - one that would catch the reader's attention.
it made sense to do so, I included one keyphrase in the headline.
The new headline read:
Chair Design Based On Years Of
Research Lets You Sit For Hours With No Back Pain
copy started out just fine by naming some important benefits, but
it didn't back them up. After pointing out the relief of stress
and pain, it went directly into an explanation about the chair's
The new copy
took a cleaner path. It started by pointing out that others (users
and professionals) liked the chair, and then it proceeded (in the
next section) to explain why.
copy tried to educate readers about the importance of continuous
movement and natural balance. There is nothing wrong with educating
your customers; however, you need to give ample space to do that.
Because the visitors had limited information about these two benefits
on the home page, they may have been confused or - at the least
The new copy
held firm on one feature: the swivel axel mechanism. It explained
how this helped with customization of settings to fit every body
type and more. With minimal education needed, the customer was able
to understand that this one, patented feature offered multiple benefits.
simply listing shipping details for the close of the copy, the new
version of the home page pointed out some additional benefits pertaining
to quality and stylishness.
As I wrote,
I looked for places to use the keyphrases chosen for this page.
This was absolutely not a numbers game. My goal was not to use the
keyphrases as often as I possibly could. That approach is not SEO
copywriting, in my book.
copywriting strategy simply on the sheer volume of times you can
include keyphrases makes the copy sound forced and ridiculous. In
fact, on this home page, the keyphrases were only used a total of
four or five times. Yet, to the amazement of some, the home page
ranks in the top 10 (and often top five) for its chosen key terms.
Did it work?
Did the changes bring out the results we wanted? They sure did!
When asked about improved conversions, the owner of Kneelsit.com
had this to say, "Our conversion rate has definitely improved
since the rewrite… probably by around 35-40%!"
though you may have included important information in your copy,
it just doesn't do what you hoped it would. Take the time to explore,
experiment and test. Replace a headline. Rephrase a paragraph. Subtle
changes can often make noticeable improvements in conversions and
other areas of business.
Copy not getting
results? Learn to write SEO copy that impresses the engines and
your visitors at http://www.copywritingcourse.com.
Be sure to also check out Karon’s latest e-report “How
To Increase Keyword Saturation (Without Destroying the Flow of Your
Copy)” at http://www.copywritingcourse.com/keyword.
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